


GIVE AND TAKE

by smileyjeongin



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, High School, M/M, hyunin, soccer player!hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:07:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smileyjeongin/pseuds/smileyjeongin
Summary: hyunjin fucked up real bad and it made him realize just how much he took from jeongin.





	GIVE AND TAKE

“So when are you gonna like talk to him?” Jeongin’s head whipped away from the direction he’d been staring in for the past few minutes in lunch, and towards Seungmin who looked at him with his eyebrows raised in unamused waiting. Jeongin knew who he was talking about and didn’t bother playing dumb. Every once in a while when Hwang Hyunjin would look super good or wear his soccer uniform to school, Jeongin couldn’t help but stare at him. And it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, it wasn’t his fault Hyunjin looked good like every day. But there were times when he would stare a bit too long and his friends would start to question him, thinking he had a crush on the school’s star player. It was funny really, for them to think that, but it was okay because that’s what he wanted them to think. 

He and Hyunjin had started dating almost two years ago and no one in the school knew. Hyunjin asked if they could keep their relationship behind closed doors and in their homes because he wasn’t ready to come out. He didn’t want his teammates to suddenly get weirded out when he showered after practice with them, he didn’t want them to think he was weak or start judging him because of it. He was scared. Jeongin could understand that, he’d come out at one point too, although no one was really that shocked when he did. So as far as anyone but their parents knew, Jeongin just had a fat gay crush on Hyunjin who was straight and had all the girls in the school also crushing on him. (He rejected every one of them because even though he wasn’t out didn’t give him the right to be unloyal to Jeongin who he loved very much). 

Hyunjin had an easy time coming out to his parents. His dad walked in on him kissing the hell out of Jeongin and was just very startled if anything. He’d covered his eyes and said ‘Don’t mind me boys I’m just here to get the laundry.’ and then he left them alone. He went and told Mrs. Hwang that he just caught their son sucking face with another boy and when Jeongin left she very casually told him if Hyunjin was ever being a shitty boyfriend to tell her and she’d help him kick his ass into shape. Jeongin swore his cheeks were stained red from how much he had been blushing that day. Jeongin had a little bit of a rocky coming out to his parents. They said they both knew, but his dad was upset about it and it took him a long time to accept it and even longer to start acting normal around his son again. He spent a few particularly bad nights at Seungmin house crying while his best friend held him and told him it would be okay. 

They interacted sometimes at school, obviously going as far as to not even talk to each other was a little extreme to keep their relationship a secret. They were part of different crowds thought, Hyunjin was a popular jock and Jeongin was kind of like a soft ball of joy that was nice to everyone but only really hung out with a few people who weren’t popular at all. In all honesty Hyunjin wanted to be out, he wanted to show people that he had the cutest boyfriend in the world, the one with the round glasses and the braces; but every time he thought maybe he could do it he found dozens of reasons why he shouldn’t and therefore never did. Jeongin was patient and that was what made it almost even harder on Hyunjin. He felt guilty because Jeongin was forced to hide it even though if it was up to him they would act like a couple because to him it wasn’t a big deal. He was doing what Hyunjin wanted and it made Hyunjin feel awful sometimes. 

“I do talk to him.” Jeongin said, answering Seungmin's question. Seungmin snorted,

“Yeah because saying hi to him in the halls only when he looks at you and waves definitely counts as talking.” 

“It does, am I not speaking when I say hi?” Jeongin shot back, a smug grin on his face upon seeing Seungmin looking so annoyed and fed up with him. 

“You know what I meant you brat.” 

“Yeah yeah whatever, just stop asking me. I might be gay but that doesn’t mean I wanna date the guy, I just think he’s hot.” Seungmin raised an eyebrow once again, about to refute him but decided to just stay quiet. He was right, he'd never shown any interest in getting the guy's number or getting to know him, and Seungmin knew if he really wanted to he would've done so. There was seemingly no thought in Jeongin's mind about dating Hyunjin. 

Jeongin of course thought about that stuff all the time, and he had a right to as his boyfriend and all. He thought about how sweet Hyunjin was with him, how his smile could make Jeongin melt, how he smothered Jeongin’s face in kisses any chance he could get, how smart he was and how he helped Jeongin, who was significantly less smart, on all his work, how he never failed to tell Jeongin he was beautiful everyday. Jeongin believed that there was no guy who could be a better boyfriend than Hwang Hyunjin. And if the world were to see it they wouldn’t believe it was really him. 

Obviously his personality changed a little when he was with Jeongin, he got mushy easier, and his eyes were filled with more love. In school he was loud and kind of annoying in his popularity, as was the whole soccer team, constantly teasing and berating each other, playing nice to get the teachers to love them, acting more vain than necessary. Jeongin made Hyunjin forget about himself, so while he was that person at school he also very much was that person with his boyfriend. Jeongin just did a good job of bringing the good out. 

Seungmin and Jeongin went to every soccer game and sat on the bleachers among the other popular kids all friends with the team and the parents there to cheer their kids on as long as the game wasn’t too far away. On the days that the games were away Jeongin drove them in his mom’s car which he was allowed to use to drive himself to school. Jeongin was surprised that Hyunjin never came to him saying the teammates were wondering why they showed up every game without fail since to them it seemed like they had no reason to. Seungmin would never admit it but he was the real reason they went to every game, Jeongin of course was just there for moral support in Seungmin's never ending gushing over the goalie Minho. But Seungmin always said they had to go because Jeongin wouldn’t want to miss out on seeing Hyunjin play. And he was right, Jeongin loved watching Hyunjin play. But he would never let Seungmin have that satisfaction. 

Hyunjin saw him every game and he wanted to do those cliche things like running over after scoring a goal and kissing his boyfriend square on the lips, telling him that the goal was for him. He never did though, he was trying to get enough courage to come out before they graduated and then he could do it at least once. They had sleepovers every night that Hyunjin had a game. Either Jeongin would meet him at his house, or he would go straight to Jeongin’s house. Tonight it was Jeongin’s and Hyunjin arrived with his overnight bag, greeted by Jeongin’s dad who while having now gotten over the fact that his son was gay didn’t like Hyunjin. He was scary too which Hyunjin didn’t understand because his son was an angel, and it didn’t help him in his attempts to prove to the man that he was a good boyfriend. Normally Jeongin was there and would scold his dad for scaring Hyunjin, but now he was alone with the man. 

“Good evening Sir.” Hyunjin said. He always called Jeongin’s dad Sir, it seemed like he was supposed to. 

“Hwang.” Mr. Yang said, his voice holding a disapproving tone as if just saying Hyunjin’s surname outloud brought him great displeasure. 

“How um, how are you?” Hyunjin asked, mustering a smile. 

“Get upstairs before I change my mind and shut this door in your face.” He growled. Hyunjin squeaked and scurried past him, practically running up to Jeongin’s room, taking the stairs two at a time. He breathed a sigh of relief when the door was closed tight behind him. His eyes wandered to Jeongin’s bed where he was laying sprawled out on top of the covers, his glasses still on and his chest rising up and down as soft snores left between his lips. His game had started very late and it was almost ten by the time he’d arrived. Hyunjin grinned and took off his shoes, putting them next to his bag on the floor. He was careful when crawling in next to Jeongin in bed, lightly taking his glasses and putting them on the dresser. Jeongin moved, a small hum slipping out of his mouth. Hyunjin wrapped his arms around Jeongin’s waist and pressed the smallest of kisses along his neck and up towards his ear as far as he could reach. 

“Why don’t you kiss me for real?” Jeongin mumbled, his words slurring with sleep. He fumbled for his glasses, putting them back on so he could see as he was as blind as a bat without. Once they were on he turned his head to meet Hyunjin’s lips in a short, sloppy kiss. 

“Didn’t want to wake you.” Hyunjin replied as Jeongin turned around and faced him, cuddling into his chest. 

“You smell.” Jeongin mumbled, giggling a little though he hugged Hyunjin tighter and wasn’t keen on letting him get up to shower, he could just wait until the morning. 

“I did just play a game.” He replied, carding his fingers through the latter’s soft hair. 

“And you did very well.” 

“Thank you.” Jeongin poked his head up from where it was stuffed in Hyunjin’s chest and grinned, leaning up to kiss him again. He shifted so he was laying right on top of Hyunjin. 

“Did my dad torture you?” He asked, now sweeping the ends of Hyunjin’s hair off his forehead. 

“Of course he did, he’s never going to like me. He threatened to shut the door in my face.” Jeongin sighed, shaking his head,

“Sorry I wasn’t there to calm the beast,” He said, ”He’ll like you eventually.” 

“No he won’t,” Hyunjin stated, ”He’s hated me for almost two years, and he’s not stopping anytime soon.” 

“Yeah probably not.” Jeongin closed his eyes and laid his head back down on Hyunjin’s chest, relishing in the warmth and gentle touches of the latter’s hand running up and down his back. 

“Jeongin?” Hyunjin whispered. Jeongin didn’t open his eyes,

“Yeah?” 

“I love you.” Jeongin smiled,

“I love you too,” He replied, ”Seungmin still thinks I have a crush on you.” He said. 

“You don’t?” Hyunjin asked, pouting. Jeongin giggled and snuggled even closer to his boyfriend,

“Of course not Hyunnie, I can’t have a crush on you if I’m dating you.” 

“And why’s that?” 

“Because a crush is a short infatuation, brief. So I can’t have a crush on you because I love you and I’m gonna love you for a long time.” Jeongin replied, his words slightly muffled in Hyunjin’s chest. Hyunjin laughed and squeezed Jeongin tighter, twisting them around so he was now leaning over the latter. 

“When did you get so smart? And so cheesy?” He asked. Jeongin looked at Hyunjin like his eyes held the whole galaxy,

“You do strange things to me Hwang Hyunjin.” 

“I think that’s just a side effect of being in love.” Hyunjin responded. Jeongin laughed and wrapped his arms around Hyunjin’s neck, pulling him down for a long, tender kiss. 

__________ 

There were rough patches in every relationship. Jeongin and Hyunjin had their fair share, bickering over small things, having petty arguments that were solved quickly by lots of kisses and apologies that really weren’t needed because the other had already forgiven him in his head. This was the first time the pair had a real fight though. Hyunjin fucked up and he knew it. Jeongin was beyond pissed at him. They technically weren’t even dating anymore as the notion of them breaking up had been thrown out in an angry discussion by Jeongin. Hyunjin couldn’t change his mind, this time just an apology wasn’t going to fix the problem. 

Hyunjin was miserable. It was worse because he knew exactly what he’d done and he could’ve avoided it easily, but like a coward he was worried about what others would think of him. He never loved going to soccer ‘team bonding’ sessions. They were like mini parties where only the soccer team was allowed to come, no girlfriends (or boyfriend) and they just had a bro night. Hyunjin loved his team, he really did, some of his best friends were on the soccer team, but those nights were always uncomfortable for him. They usually involved some kind of stupid game like truth or dare, or their favorite dare or dare which defeated the point of the game entirely. Hyunjin hadn’t been personally subjected to too horrible things yet, but he knew his time of luck was going to run out soon. 

The night it happened, they’d decided on dare or dare. Hyunjin was an unfortunate victim and the person who he just so happened to dislike the most on the team was the person dishing out his dare. Yukhei was a jerk. Hyunjin had no idea how any of the other teammates or his girlfriend could stand him and his loud, obnoxious personality. Yukhei’s dare was simple; ask Yang Jeongin out on a date. In retrospect it would’ve been a perfect opportunity to just come out and say he couldn’t because they already were dating. Or he could’ve done it and they could become an actual couple in everyone else’s eyes that way. Jeongin would’ve been extatic with either option. Instead when he voiced the dare Hyunjin made a face of disgust. 

“Why?” He asked. 

“Don’t tell me I’m the only one who notices him and his red head friend Seungmin at every fucking game?” Yukhei said laughing,”He has to have like a major crush on you dude he’s always watching you.” Hyunjin scoffed and looked away, bored. Yukhei pressed even more though, he wouldn’t give up. Hyunjin said horrible things that night. Things he never wanted to say, things he personally knew weren’t true, things he would give his soul to be able to take back. His head was screaming at him but his mouth wouldn’t stop, his words were getting reactions from the others, they were laughing and hollering like he’d just won them the national championship. What Hyunjin didn’t know was someone was recording the whole thing. 

It was inevitable that Jeongin would see it, word traveled fast, especially if that word is about you. Jeongin ignored Hyunjin all day the next Monday, he didn’t return any of his texts and he left all his calls to voicemail. Now there was a rumor going around that Jeongin was a massive nerd with a pathetic crush on Hyunjin. The only time Jeongin answered him was when he asked if he was going to come over after his game that night. Jeongin said yes. Hyunjin was elated, hoping to clear things up with him, hoping he would understand. But Jeongin wasn’t in the mood to listen to his bullshit. He was in Hyunjin’s room when he got back and he wasn’t given the chance to smile because the look on Jeongin’s face was terrifying. 

“How dare you,” He growled,”How dare you! I like to think I’m pretty patient Hyunjin, especially when it comes to giving you the time you need to come out. But that? That was the last straw Hyunjin and you know it! Just because you aren’t ready to go public with our relationship doesn’t mean you can tell all your friends I’m a pathetic, nerdy, loser! And the junk about ‘never dating someone like me’? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?! Am I supposed to just assume that every ‘I love you’ you’ve ever said was a lie? Because you wouldn’t date someone like me so it you must’ve just been humoring me, isn’t that right?” 

Hyunjin opened his mouth to speak but Jeongin cut him off,”No, no, you don’t get to try and defend yourself Hyunjin. You’re a fucking idiot! What you said is inexcusable and are you fucking crying? God, I can’t believe you! Fuck you Hyunjin, don’t talk to me until you can think of a way to make up for what you did.” Jeongin made a move to leave and Hyunjin reached out to grass his arm,

“No Jeongin wait, please- I’m sorry I am, I didn’t mean it-.” 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re sorry Hyunjin, it doesn’t matter if you meant it, you still said it and it fucking hurt Hyunjin. Do you understand? I saw that video and the first thing I felt wasn’t anger, I was heartbroken! I watched my own boyfriend talk shit about me! All this time you’ve never said anything bad about me to anyone so hiding our relationship has been fine until now. To act like you did without even thinking about how I would feel if I found out took it too far and I don’t think I can forgive you for that. We’re done Hyunjin, find someone else to hide your relationship with because it’s not gonna be me.” When Jeongin left, Hyunjin collapsed on the floor and cried.

At first Hyunjin didn’t know how to get Jeongin back. He knew he had to though, he was a mess knowing Jeongin hated his guts. No one but his parents understood why he moped around and never smiled anymore. He didn’t sleep because every time he closed his eyes he saw Jeongin yelling at him. He barely had the motivation to eat. He spent all his time either crying or trying to figure out how he could get Jeongin to forgive him. Then, one day as he saw Jeongin walking to class arm in arm with Seungmin he finally thought of a way that might work. From the beginning Jeongin hadn’t been the biggest fan of keeping them secret, he understood though and it was one of the many things Hyunjin loved about him. He had kept it up for two years because Hyunjin asked him to but when was the last time Hyunjin really did something for him? 

He was nervous. The entire school would be there, all eyes and ears trained on him and what he was about to do. He was even more nervous for how Jeongin would react though, if he didn’t accept this attempt at making up Hyunjin had no idea what he was going to do. He ignored all the puzzled looks from his friends on the soccer team when he set his stuff down and promptly walked away. 

“Where are you going?” Jisung called. 

“I have to do something.” Hyunjin replied, though his voice was so small no one heard him. They all watched him walk over to Jeongin’s lunch table. By now the school was aware of what Hyunjin had said, and the sight of him tapping Jeongin’s shoulder before he could sit down captured everyone’s attention. Jeongin turned and his content smile of before dropped. 

“Yes?” He asked, fully aware that it was silent in the cafeteria. 

“Can I talk to you?” Hyunjin asked, pleading with his eyes. Jeongin sighed but nodded,

“You wanna go somewhere private or are you going to let everyone else in on what you’ve got to say this time too?” That hurt. 

“No I want to talk here,” Hyunjin said. Jeongin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Hyunjin took a deep breath and began,”Jeongin I don’t blame you for breaking up with me. I’m a coward, I’m an idiot, and you deserve someone so much better than me. You always did and I only realized it now. I didn’t know how to try and make it up to you. What I said was out of fear and it was stupid, that you know, and I guess I’m going to tell you what I should’ve said. I love you. Jeongin I know I’ve said it a lot over the past two years but I meant it every single time because there isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t think about you and how much I adore you. For years you have been the most patient and reassuring person I’ve ever known, you hid our relationship from the world because I wanted to, because I was too scared to face whatever could come from telling everyone that I’m madly in love with you. 

And I realized that I’ve never done anything like that for you. I was the worst boyfriend ever. So I’m hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’d at least forgive me if I stood here and publicly told you and the whole school that I want you back. I don’t expect you to take me back, in fact part of me doesn’t want you to because you deserve better than a piece of shit like me. But I can’t help the butterflies I get in my stomach when I see you, I can’t help that my heart races when I’m with you. I want to hold your hand in the hallway, I want to kiss you against the lockers, I want to say I love you without caring who’s around, I want to kiss you when I score a goal and actually acknowledge your presence when you come to my games, at the very least I want to sit with you at lunch. I take so much from you Jeongin, I’ve taken your love, I took your first kiss, I’ve taken your patience and you kindness. But I’ve never given anything in return. So this is me giving you something you’ve always wanted.” 

When Hyunjin finished his speech Jeongin was silent. Everyone else would think he was still mad and was about to slap Hyunjin across the face. He could hear the soccer team already celebrating, just happy with the fact Hyunjin had the balls to come out and do that in front of them all. Hyunjin could see the shift in Jeongin’s eyes, he saw them soften and tell him that it was okay because Jeongin still loved him. And Jeongin looked so incredibly happy. 

“Say something!” Someone yelled. Jeongin calmly took Hyunjin’s hands in his and laced their fingers together, letting them fall at their sides. There was more murmuring now of people waiting in anticipation. 

“Thank you,” Jeongin whispered, keeping this part of their conversation safe and intimate despite the location,”I really thought I was going to lose you.” 

“Never.” Hyunjin replied breathlessly. Jeongin smiled up at him, it was a beautiful smile, one that Hyunjin fell in love with. Then Jeongin replied louder so everyone could understand. He pulled Hyunjin forward and kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> another mess   
> ig: sunnyysan


End file.
